I’m sitting in 34-degree Philly drizzle, heater blasting, and my 2018 Civic is literally laughing at me. Nineteen. Point. Four. That’s what the trip computer says after I “hypermiled” like a Reddit nerd for 40 miles. Meanwhile my phone pings: “NHTSA just froze the 2025 fuel economy standards.” Cool, cool, cool. My car now identifies as a pickup truck.
Last week I was THIS close to trading it in for a used Bolt. Test-drove one at 7 p.m., windows down, fall air smelling like wet leaves and freedom. Regen braking felt like Jesus gently squeezing the wheel. I grinned so hard the salesman asked if I needed a minute alone with the car. Then Congress yeeted the EV credits and the price jumped $4,300 overnight. I drove home in shame, tailpipe burping like it knew.
My love-hate relationship with the 2025 fuel economy standards, ranked
- Love: Gas is suddenly $3.89 instead of $5.
- Hate: My kid’s science project is now “Why Daddy Killed the Planet.”
- Love: I can keep my heated seats guilt-free.
- Hate: Every Prius driver flips me off like I voted for this.
Three things I learned the hard way
- Coasting in neutral is illegal in PA. Found out when Trooper Mike gave me the saddest head-shake of my life.
- Fuelly app shames you harder than your mom. It sent me a push notification: “You’re in the bottom 3% this week.” I screenshotted it and sent it to my ex. She replied with a leaf emoji.
- Wawa coffee is 100% carbon neutral if you walk inside. I tried. Slipped on a wet leaf. Spilled 20 oz on my hoodie. Still drove.
What’s next for smart cars (and my sanity)
Washington says the 2025 fuel economy standards are now “optional vibes.” Translation: automakers can build whatever sells—probably more giant grilles. But here’s the plot twist: I just snagged a 36-month lease on a hybrid RAV4 for $289/mo because dealers are panic-dumping inventory. It gets 41 mpg and parallel parks itself. I cried in the finance office. The manager gave me a free keychain.
Your turn
Drop your mpg horror story below—I’ll send the best one a $5 Wawa gift card. Or tell me I’m a sellout for going hybrid. Either way, let’s laugh so we don’t cry.
Drive safe, waste less, and maybe coast downhill once in a while—just not in Pennsylvania.
P.S. If you see a lime-green RAV4 doing exactly 52 mph in the right lane, wave. That’s me, winning at life one reluctant mile at a time.
